Almost 3 months old...

We celebrated Asher on Saturday with a barbecue... or as the Southerners refer to it, a "Cookout." Jonathan was grateful for the excuse to splurge on a brand new big Weber smoker. He used it to cook pork & brisket. We commissioned a friend to make a gorgeous cake to match a wrap I frequently nurse Asher in. Jonathan also grilled peaches I bought fresh from the Farmer's market. I hope everyone had a good time. One skill I have not completely mastered is being able to be the hostess, circulate, prep food, watch the kids, cleanup, and not feel dizzy at the end.

Thank You to everyone who helped.

l can't believe Asher will be three months old on Thursday. Where did the time go? l have to find a way to stop comparing Asher & Lucie because they are two different children... However, that is why there is SO much to compare. Asher is much bigger than Lucie was at this age. She was formula fed, so perhaps my breastmilk is exceeding my expectations since I have a history of growth hormone deficiency and I was unsure my pituitary gland would produce the prolactin needed to produce milk.

In the last 2 months, I have been less shy about feeding him publicly, although I do experience moments where feelings of modesty sometimes stand in my way. I read somewhere that Pope Francis is pro-breastfeeding.  This is probably the only reason these feelings don't take over in church. Jesus was breastfed afterall...

I also wear Asher more than I did Lucie because I know more about baby wearing than I did before.

Lucie has become... no... blossomed!  Into the most amazingly helpful big sister,  even if she did revert to the pacifier and take a few steps backwards in potty training.   It's okay. 

I also learned I need wayyyy more sleep than ever.  So... I will end this here with a few photos ,

Babywearing for the WIN!

I have recently rediscovered a great love of babywearing.  This new found joy is not just about being crunchy this time.  Babywearing is saving my nursing relationship with Asher, and that is very important to me.  You see, I've developed a very rare set of symptoms which are exacerbated by nursing and the hormonal response triggered anytime that I hear Asher crying.  I am overcome with intense pain and I feel as if every muscle and bone in my body is on fire: burning and stinging and stabbing and throbbing and painfully numb all at once.

I believe this is all related to Growth Hormone Deficiency, which I was diagnosed with as a child and I was treated for this condition with synthetic growth hormone from the age of six until I hit puberty.  Unfortunately, medical science at the time was of the opinion that once a person stops growing, they don't need any additional growth hormone to be injected anymore.  They could not have been more wrong.  The Magic Foundation has a few FaceBook groups set up for those who have health issues related to the continued deficiency of growth hormone as an adult. I have been trying (so far unsuccessfully) to schedule an appointment with an endocrinologist so I can be evaluated and resume growth hormone therapy, albeit a much lower dose than I was on as a child because I don't need to grow taller.  My body just needs to regain and be able to maintain homeostasis.  In the meantime, I am suffering and I am trying not to allow this to affect my bonding with Asher, or my ability to effectively nurture Lucie in this very important transition to being a big sister from an only child.

How does baby wearing help ease my pain? 

Wearing Asher while I nurse does two things:

1) It redistributes his weight away from my hands, arms, shoulders which I would use to hold him.  It also holds him off of my lap.  The lessening of the weight appears to help a little bit.  He is only 8 lbs, but when I have a flare up of symptoms, he may as well weigh 8 tons.  

2) It frees up my hands and arms to move.  I am not forced to remain with my hands and arms in one position for an extended length of time.  This prevents the numbness and stiffening which has been occurring.

When I am not nursing, Asher enjoys the closeness of being worn, and he likes to rest his head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat.  Baby wearing also allows me to hold Asher while caring for Lucie by refilling sippy cups, retrieving dropped crayons, or even just having the hands free to hold a book to read to her.

I was first introduced to the local baby wearing community by a mom at a La Leche League meeting that I attended one week before Asher was born.  As I had not breastfed Lucie, I was a bit clueless and a little nervous that my history of growth hormone deficiency would affect my ability to produce breast milk.  The pituitary gland which produces growth hormone is also responsible for the production of prolactin, which is what stimulates the production of breast milk.

This wonderful momma told me of her love for Didymos wraps and how comfortable they were.  She said that they made nursing in public easier because everything was kept under wraps (yes, that pun was totally intentional).  After she gushed about how amazing they were, I just had to have one to try.  Plus, "The Art of Breastfeeding," which is La Leche League's breastfeeding handbook, encourages baby wearing and echoes the idea that it was easy to nurse in public incognito when your baby was being worn.  This appealed to me.  Always on the go, I need to be able to feed Asher any time and this seemed like a win-win to me.

I joined a local FaceBook babywearing group and I was welcomed by many like minded mommas.  I looked in awe at the beautiful photos of these moms (and dads too!) wearing their babies and everyone always looked so happy and... the babies looked so contentedly sleepy.  I read accounts from parents about their babies being cranky, so they would wrap them up, and the babes would fall asleep within minutes, comforted by the warmth of their mom's (or dad's) closeness.

I found a wrap I loved from Didymos, Heralds of Spring, and I ordered it in a size 7, because that is the size their website recommended to be able to do any wrap technique with my current clothing size.  Unfortunately, I would soon learn that it is just too much fabric for the South Carolina heat.  When you wrap that many layers of 100% cotton and go outside... not only will you end up sweating like you just did an hour long hot yoga class, but your baby will have difficulty maintaining proper body temperature. 

You see that "Mischief Managed" Harry Potter inspired art?  That is on the tail of a custom ring sling that I commissioned my friend Katherine to create for me.  My ring sling has a gathered shoulder which allows the fabric to be spread out and distributes Asher's weight more evenly, so that there is no one spot which is feeling a lot of pressure on it at any given time.  In fact, I'm wearing Asher in this ring sling, nursing him as I type right now, almost pain free.  Before I discovered that ring slings decreased my pain from a 9 1/2 on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst... down to a 2... I had been ready to give up breastfeeding altogether and switch to exclusively pumping.  That is why babywearing is saving my breastfeeding relationship with Asher.   

Unfortunately, I don't have any action shots of my ring sling yet, because I've been wearing it mostly in my bedroom, nursing Asher.

Oh, and remember that Didymos Heralds of Spring 7 that I said was too long and as a result too hot?  Katherine is going to convert that into a ring sling, a shorty (short wrap), a headband to keep my hair out of Asher's reach, and a nursing necklace.  Since the Didymos Heralds of Spring was the very first thing I ever used to wear Asher, it holds a lot of sentimental value for me, and I'd rather convert it to something I can and will use than let it sit unused in my closet, or part with it completely.  Thanks to Katherine, I won't have to. 

Sibling Love

Love both my cuties!

Welcome Home Asher Robert!

Asher was doing so well, the neonatologist let him come home on Monday! It has been a definite transition as he has his days and nights mixed up and wants to eat all night long, but we are so excited to have him here, home where he belongs!

Asher Robert is Coming Home!

The end is in sight. Yesterday, Asher's neonatologist told me that if everything continues to go well Asher can come home tomorrow! This past 11 days since he was born has been a roller coaster, and I can not wait to bring my son home!

More Baby Asher Cuties

More Cutey Baby Pictures

Love Asher!

Asher Robert

4/10/14 1:45 pm - 6 lbs., 5 oz. - 19.5 inches tall

Working Mama!

On Friday, it will be 7 months since I returned to work, and I thought everyone deserved an update.

I've learned a lot of things since that Monday, June 10th, when I left my precious baby girl with a sitter and headed to the office.  I have been very busy in that time, and perhaps, TrendSetterMom.com has not been updated as often as it should.  The truth is that sometimes, I just don't have time between juggling my three main careers: Wage Earner, Wife, and Mother.  I say "main" careers, because I hold many roles in this life.  Those are just the three that use up the most of my time, and the three that are most important... although I believe I presented the order wrong the first time.  Here they are in a better order:

1. Wife to Jonathan
2. Mother to Lucie (and since I'm carrying him now... Asher too!)
3. Import Entry Processor

Now, to anyone I work with who may read this... presenting my life in that order does not mean that I don't love my job.  In fact, I do, and I will miss it terribly while I am on maternity leave (Don't worry, I WILL COME BACK!!!)  I just know that if I did not work on my home life first, I'd be pretty miserable at my office job too.

I'd also like to point out that Mother is below Wife... but only slightly.  That's because I take my relationship with my husband, the father to my children, very seriously.  It's important that we are a united unit so that we can parent together- even if we do not always agree on whether or not Lucie deserves another cookie or candy cane, or when and for how long to put her in time out when she is misbehaving.  Being happy with myself and my relationship with Jonathan is important to be able to be the best Mom I can be to Lucie and Asher.  I may be a hormonal wreck with these pregnancy hormones lately, but Jonathan, I do appreciate you, and even though your sarcasm sometimes pisses me off, it's also the humor that made me fall in love with you.

What else have I learned?

Quantity of Time was traded in for Quality of Time.  I was with Lucie 24/7 before I started my desk job, and I have to say that our time was not really QUALITY time, despite there being so much of it.  I was bored, exhausted and disengaged from parenting.  I was feeling hit with postpartum depression for quite some time before the move to South Carolina... but being in a new state, all by myself with Lucie (Jonathan was still in Alabama for work), with no extended family to help, I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. 

Over about a month's time, I realized that I just wasn't cut out to be a Stay at Home Mom, and I'm here to tell you that that's okay!  Upon realizing this, I immediately set out to find a sitter (I found Shannon on SitterCity and she was amazing until August when she went back to school and Lucie was transitioned to Day Care).  Then, I applied to jobs.  Within two weeks, I had had five interviews.  Two were with staffing agencies, one was with the freight forwarder who eventually hired me, and the last two were with a truck broker.

The day after my freight forwarder interview, I went for a drug test and headed to the zoo with some moms from a local Meet Up Group.  I couldn't believe my luck- just as we sat down to feed our kiddies a snack, the background check lady called.  I would end up talking to that background check lady a total of 10 times the next two days, and then... I did not hear anything for a week.  I started to get scared.  Could one of my former employers have said something bad?  I checked with H.R. at the forwarding company.  She informed that they had delayed the new hire training class, but that they were very interested in me because of my background.  Almost a month went by before I received my offer letter.  I did a happy dance, signed it, and emailed it back immediately.

You see, in that month... I was holding out hope that this would be the job I would be hired for because I knew how much I would love it.  In my interview, I had told the manager interviewing me how much work/life balance meant to me, and that I was a wife and a mother but also needed a career to be a well rounded person.  I had been home for two years, and I was ready to get back into the workforce.  The manager seemed to respond well to that, and had made a comment that people who are happy with their home life are usually the happiest people at work.

All throughout that month of waiting, I held Lucie a little tighter, made sure to spend as much time doing "fun" things as possible, and tried to be calm about not hearing anything.  I realized that although I had interviewed for other places, working for this forwarder was really the only one of those jobs I wanted to take, because I truly felt comfortable at the interview.  It would be three weeks between the day I accepted that job and the day I would start work.  Although I was ready to go back to work, I was grateful to have that three weeks more to cherish my time home with Lucie.

I was a wreck the first day I left Lucie all day with the sitter.  When I picked her up, she smiled, and she was okay.

Seven months later... sometimes she cries in the morning when I take her to day care, but  like her Momma, she is not a morning person.  She puts on this melodramatic act to let me know that she wants to spend time with me, and the minute I walk out the door to her class room, if I look back in through the window, she has happily changed her tune to playing with the other kids.    

I've learned to be okay with that.  She is happy, but she wants me to know that when I'm not there, she misses me.  That's okay.  When she does get to spend time with me, she appreciates me more, and I appreciate every snot filled tissue I wipe from her nose and every spilled sippy cup full of milk I have to clean up.

I'm here to tell you that it's okay.  I'm okay.  We're okay.  Rejoining the work force does not make me any less of a mom, and being a mom doesn't mean I don't work as hard at my desk job.  It just means that when it's time to punch out at the end of the day, I have an important place to be: picking up my daughter from day care.  Watching her smile light up her face when I walk through that door makes it all worth it.  She never smiled at me like that before I went to work.  :-)

Happy Holidays

From our family to yours, Be Merry!

Lots of Changes!

Last weekend, we moved into our new home, which we had built from the ground up, just for us!  My parents are in town for the week, to help.  Thank goodness they are here!  Lucie is being her rambunctious self, and I am on bed rest.

You see, I am 6 1/2 weeks pregnant, and my OB gave me two options to break the hyperemesis gravidarum: Go on bed rest in the hospital, with no computer/cellphone/television/visitor access, and adding food gradually... or... Go home, rest for a week, and avoid most electronics (yes, I am breaking the rules by posting this).  It sucks, because I am missing work, and I really want to be at work, and making the money, but I am unable to perform well at work if I am unhealthy and can't keep food or water down.  My hyperemesis with Lucie lasted for my entire pregnancy, so my doctor is trying to break the cycle early.  So far, his methods are working to at least decrease the morning sickness.

One of my friends was quick to point out the bright side: If I have to be on bed rest... being on bed rest at home in my great big brand new house is definitely a plus!  I do love my new house!  There were a few things that were missed, such as a TV outlet in the wrong spot, which the builder is in the process of fixing (they have moved the outlet, but that required cutting holes in the walls, so the walls have been spackled, but not yet sanded or re-painted), and the gutters still need to be put on, along with changing out the glass panes on the front and back door to match the rest of the windows... all in all, though, it's a pretty awesome house!  ;-)

New House

Dear Grammar Police- I plan to use a lot of ellipses and exclamation points in this post. I am very excited!

Today, we are closing on our home in New York. The home we are selling... our first house. Our "starter house"... which is what my dad started calling it before we even bought it. I brushed it off, thinking we would grow old together in that house.

I was wrong, but I am happy that I was wrong. We can grow old together in our *NEW* house... it's so *NEW* it's being built- JUST FOR US! It will have everything I'd ever dreamed of... a master suite with sitting area... separate tub/shower... a water closet (so excited there is a room just for using the toilet- within the bathroom, but closed off, so other people can get ready for work while someone is in there doing their business... so practical!)... and a walk in closet! Oh, and did I mention Jonathan will have a room designated as his "man cave/computer room"? And the kitchen has 42" Cherry Cabinets with oil rubbed bronze handles... granite counter tops... a PANTRY! Gas stove!  Fireplace in the living room. A breakfast nook... a formal dining room... HARDWOOD FLOORS!

I thought I loved my New York house, and the truth is, I did... but I wasn't IN love with it. I am IN love with my Columbia house that's being built now. I can't wait until it's ours! But first, we have to say goodbye to our home in Lindenhurst. I will be sad, I will probably cry as I am signing the papers and handing over the keys. But, I will have to just remind myself of the new house, and here are some photos of the progress on that house so far: